Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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