And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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