I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
