Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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