Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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