The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
