You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
