Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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