White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
