u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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