You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
