I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
