You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
