I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
