he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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