So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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