Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
