Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
