i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
