Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
