watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
handjob tips. give me some.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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