I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
