we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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