I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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