I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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