I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
