Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
