just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
