i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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