so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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