perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
