it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
