dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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