Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
