i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
