oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
