we have officially lost it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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