Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
