I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
