My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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