You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
