Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
