And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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