just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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