doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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