we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize