her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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