They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had to cum in my sink.
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