i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
