it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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