it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
