The maid of honor just puked.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have post one night stand depression
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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