I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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