I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
