i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
