I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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