Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
