why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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