just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
