The panties match.
I'll be right there.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
