how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
