I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
