i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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