I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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