Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize