Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
