Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
